The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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