she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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