im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
