And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
