Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
