Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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