worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
