Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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