Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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