Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
