you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
