Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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