if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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