She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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