dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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