i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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