There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
