I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
