hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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