Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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