So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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