I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
