stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
