I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro