awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.