period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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