my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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