I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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