I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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