How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
