I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
