i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
