Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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