Since when is my name a synonym for head?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
