listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
