Need sex. Gaining weight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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