so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize