My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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