I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I deserve this hangover.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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