im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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