I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no you cant smoke seaweed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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