No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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