Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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