I have demons in me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
