he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
