i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
