Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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