Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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