he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
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Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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