I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
