Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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