you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
