is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
