she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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