you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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