I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
