I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
