dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
