i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
