So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
