anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just high enough for therapy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
COCAINE IS GR8
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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