Plan B is the new Plan A
Betty ford says i'm here all night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
