I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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